The Winner Of The Yak's H-A-M Burger Draft Is Announced, And The Winner May Surprise You

 After one of the best episodes of The Yak to date, tailing the case race and the few buffer episodes from before my time, a winner is announced. 

Thank you to everyone who voted, as this would all be impossible without all of you. 

10X.

Now, back to the program.

At the end of the day, none of these burgers were good. Being on the same griddle as the testicle that was KB's burger, especially since it got minutes on both courts, tainted all of the burgers. 

Sas brought it up when there was an actual stream of liquid going from KB's "burger" to Sas' burger.

Even with all the "It's not bad"s, I don't buy it for a minute. The fact that any of these burgers got the nod of "I'd order this at a restaurant," is blasphemy. 

Sure, they probably weren't as bad as some smoothies in the Smoothie Draft, but there's no chance I'm paying money to eat a mio, gummy bears, and applesauce-infused burger.

In fact, at a local Colonial Cafe when I was the wee-bitty age of 14, I ordered a breakfast burger with a fried egg, bacon, cheese, and peanut butter. Yep, peanut butter on a burger. Paid for it myself via my dad's credit card.

Even then, I was hesitant to pay for a burger, via my dad, that had a big ol' glob o' PB.

The reason I bring that up is because even that was seen as a tabo burger. Peanut butter? On a burger? Okay, what's next: Subject 7's anal sludge on a burger?

Right.

However, let's look at the winner of the poll I put out. Again, if you voted, you're goated. (Go ahead and use that to gain the popular vote among teens, next politician.) 

who won the @BarstoolYak H-A-M burger draft?

shout out to @chefdonnyy for whippin' up the burgers!

VOTE DOWN BELOW! pic.twitter.com/y5ul6gTSGh

— Stoolie Blogs (@StoolieBlogs) May 14, 2022

Here's where the votes happened, and while I may have only counted the votes for each poll (Twitter only allowed four members per poll). So, on Owen's fatty dub, the percentage was of the poll he was on, not necessarily the entirety of the pollS. 

‼️ THE RESULTS ARE IN ‼️

WINNER OF THE @BarstoolYak H-A-M BURGER DRAFT IS: @OwenRoeder 🏆

LOSER: @BFW 👎

MVP: @kbnoswag 👍 pic.twitter.com/rztjgFG34r

— Stoolie Blogs (@StoolieBlogs) May 15, 2022

 

Winner: Owen Roeder

Owen Roeder: Champion of the H-A-M Burger Draft

• H: Honey Mustard

• A: Aged White Cheddar Pirate's Booty 

• M: Mixed Veggies

Off the bat, Owen's burger is one of those burgers that, in the written form, doesn't sound that bad. However, Chef Donny (Thank you, Chef Donny, for preparing these burgers), didn't do as fine of a chop on the mixed veggies as he could've. Having big chunks of veggie could've deducted points, however, the Twitter fans loved Owen, giving him ~610 votes, or 60% of Poll 1. 

Loser: Brandon F. Walker

Brandon Walker: Loser of the H-A-M Burger Draft
(but also please subscribe to Rasslin')

• H: Heterololigo Squid

• A: Albacore Tuna

• M: Mouthwash

Yeah, burger sucked. 

Not necessarily a shot at Brandon since he got kinda fucked in the trades. At first, BFW lost his ham in return for hot dogs. Not terrible. A hot dog, mouthwash, and tuna burger probably wouldn't have gotten last. But, instead, the booth took Brandon's hot dogs in return for the Heterololigo squid. 

All-in-all, the Twitter voters didn't fux with Brandon's burger in the slightest. Tough look, but Ts and Ps for Rasslin. Best of luck, brother. Love the content. 

MVP: KB

KB: MVP of the H-A-M Burger Draft

• H: Hot and Spicy Cheez-Its

• A: Apples and Spinach Baby Food

• M: Mollusca

The main reason for this award is purely based on how bad of a day KB likely had due to this draft. Not only did he have to actually a bite a literal nut sack (okay, not literal, but c'mon), but he also had to do it SOPPING wet. 

Never has one man been dominated by the wheel like this. Absolute bloodbath @DUDEwipes https://t.co/lCkhdxULiL pic.twitter.com/aSrOxZxCkG

— The Yak (@BarstoolYak) May 13, 2022

Sas has a shtick where he tries to get out of the punishments at times, as would I probably, but KB put his head down and he got wet when the wheel told him to. 

So, after biting whatever the hell his burger was while actually soaked, he absolutely gets the MVP for this performance. Well done, brother.