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Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Does Will Compton's NFL Career Lie In The Hands Of Steven Cheah?

NFL coaches watching Steven Cheah run faster than Will Compton, allegedly.

Will Compton: Nine-time NFL-roster spot-holder.

Steven Cheah: Bent the rules to have an above average NFL Mock Draft once.

Would a faster hall-way run by Steven Cheah ruin Will Compton's NFL career?

However, does Steven Cheah have the power to ensure Will Compton spends more time in the nursery than the gridiron?

After a recent fifteen/twenty-yard dash between Steven Cheah and Will Compton, the answer to that question might surprise some. 

Even with Will Compton's beautiful, white smile, Steven Cheah might have the will-power (lmao) to sideline the practice squad legend. 

Sure, the video Will posted of himself getting some special teams work in didn't look great, but have we all just forgotten that Will Compton– father of one– is a father now? Does Dad Strength not apply to Will Compton?

Well, strength wasn't what got measured today.

Steven Cheah laced up his Reeboks or whatever shoes his wife dressed him in, loosened up his shoulders (still kinda weird that he did that for a run), and said he didn't want to ruin Will Compton's career.

Let that sit in, please.

No disrespect to Steven Cheah, but Will Compton not running as fast as Steven Cheah on The Yak has likely no impact on Will Compton's serious NFL career.

NFL Coach's watching this episode of The Yak (probably): Brian Dabboll, Sean McVay, Matt LaFleur, Bill and Steve Belichick, Arthur Smith, and Lovie Smith. 

That said, Cheah with his shit-eating grin after thinking he ran faster than Will Compton in the hallways of Barstool Sports HQ is laugh-out-loud funny. 

Monday, May 16, 2022

Snake Draft: Beverages (Non-Soda) feat. Frank The Tank

To start our week, Frank the Tank joins the Barstool Chicago Boys for a Snake Draft Monday: Beverage (Non-Soda) Edition

Frank was sporting a wonderful Faces of Frank tee, available on the Barstool Sports store. 

Snake Draft Order

  1. White Sox Dave
  2. Frank the Tank
  3. Carl
  4. Chief
  5. Eddie

The Winner Of The Yak's H-A-M Burger Draft Is Announced, And The Winner May Surprise You

 After one of the best episodes of The Yak to date, tailing the case race and the few buffer episodes from before my time, a winner is announced. 

Thank you to everyone who voted, as this would all be impossible without all of you. 

10X.

Now, back to the program.

At the end of the day, none of these burgers were good. Being on the same griddle as the testicle that was KB's burger, especially since it got minutes on both courts, tainted all of the burgers. 

Sas brought it up when there was an actual stream of liquid going from KB's "burger" to Sas' burger.

Even with all the "It's not bad"s, I don't buy it for a minute. The fact that any of these burgers got the nod of "I'd order this at a restaurant," is blasphemy. 

Sure, they probably weren't as bad as some smoothies in the Smoothie Draft, but there's no chance I'm paying money to eat a mio, gummy bears, and applesauce-infused burger.

In fact, at a local Colonial Cafe when I was the wee-bitty age of 14, I ordered a breakfast burger with a fried egg, bacon, cheese, and peanut butter. Yep, peanut butter on a burger. Paid for it myself via my dad's credit card.

Even then, I was hesitant to pay for a burger, via my dad, that had a big ol' glob o' PB.

The reason I bring that up is because even that was seen as a tabo burger. Peanut butter? On a burger? Okay, what's next: Subject 7's anal sludge on a burger?

Right.

However, let's look at the winner of the poll I put out. Again, if you voted, you're goated. (Go ahead and use that to gain the popular vote among teens, next politician.) 

Here's where the votes happened, and while I may have only counted the votes for each poll (Twitter only allowed four members per poll). So, on Owen's fatty dub, the percentage was of the poll he was on, not necessarily the entirety of the pollS. 

 

Thursday, May 5, 2022

PFT Says Its Not His Job To Mentor Billy Football In The Gym

Yoked PFT (squatting 20,000+ lbs, while Little Bill sits with a couple five-lb dumbbells

With the Pardon My Take boys starting to care more about their aging blogger bodies, Tuesday has become Max Tuesday, yet PFT Commenter has actually been kinda going hard in the gym recently. 

Far before this Max Tuesday tradition began, PFT started realizing that these online pages that made inspiration posters were actually so true.

Time after time, inspirational quotes will pop up on my feed, like: 

"'You know your a true lifter when someone asks 'what day is it?' And you reply 'arms and back'." - Leviticus 2:12

Tell me that doesn't make you want to run through a brick wall. Right, you can't. 

 Now, however, it's not a gym quote that PFT is agreeing with, it's a quarterback take.

Once the Tennessee Titans drafted Malik Willis, the NFL media became infatuated with the idea that Willis could take over once Ryan Tannehill blows it again.

With Derrick Henry, the quarterback doesn't need to be that good, but now that the Titans traded their best receiver, the offense really relies on King Henry now more than ever. 

One big quote from Tannehill after Willis was drafted did some big numbies for these Twitter pages that post the video. 

"I don't think it's my job to mentor him." - Ryan Tannehill on mentoring Malik Willis

 PFT made his own little twist on it, however, as displayed by a sick graphic by @PFTGym, PFT doesn't believe it's his job to mentor Billy in the gym. 

Pretty wild stuff happening in the PMTverse, folks. Should be interesting if this is a ploy because PFT knows Billy could be running Barstool on his own if he really went war mode.  

It Might Be Time For Another Power Point From Billy Football

Wild Bill, presenting why Libs can't handle the wild, natural truth

Once again, Billy Football finds himself being too hard for the libs.

Time and time again, Billy proves that libs couldn't even kiss the ground Billy walks on. Not only is Billy an absolute alpha, but he's a barbarian trapped in a 21-year-old blogger's body. 

Usually, "blogger" and "alpha" don't belong in the same sentence, but Billy breaks the mold.

Billy angers the Libs by posting graphic video of human nature, twice

That said, it might be time for Billy to make another educational PowerPoint on the dangers of owning the libs on Twitter via human nature caught on camera. 

*Context: Billy had to make a PowerPoint on social media etiquette, as well as fire salamanders in the past after allegedly taking a video of PFT's dick and posting it on the internet, while also posting PFT's active phone number to Twitter*

However, instead of moving on after owing the libs once, from his personal account, Billy rose above the rest of the alphas and pulled one of the wildest moves known to man. In face, this could've been an act done by the one and only: Wild Bill.

Billy took to his alleged burner @cantseco and posted the same exact video.


What an absolute alpha.

Most bloggers, knowing their soft, pudgy bodies– not naming names here– would back down after the backlash from Twitter's roster of libs. Not Billy.

Billy is the face of bloggers around the world, and he's a poster boy for the Elon-era Twitter. Once again, Billy reigns supreme over the libs.

Wednesday, May 4, 2022

The Ghost Of Manhattan v. Vladimir Putin In: The Hunt For Putin (DCS game)

The Ghost of Manhattan: The Hunt for Putin

*For legal purposes, this is about someone playing a video game online.*

On Wednesday, May 4, 2022, PFT Commenter “The Ghost Of Manhattan” attemprts to save the skies from Russian leader, and known softy, Vladimir Putin in "The Hunt for Putin".

The Philadephia 76ers @ Miami Heat was in fact on in the background, since Pardon My Take is a sports podcast. Just wanted to clarify. 


EDITOR’S NOTE: I missed what plane The Ghost of Manhattan said he flew, but @The_Controller007 on Twitch hooked it with a reply from the heavens. Thanks, The Controller007.


PFT got into his F-15 and began his hunt for the Russian Skell, Putin. 


After a few “Oh shit!”s and at least one “Fuck!”s, The Ghost of Manhattan got his feet–or wings– under him. 


“The Ghost is airbourne,” The Ghost muttered to himself.


The Russians knew what The Ghost was coming with, and they immediately jammed his radar, causing The Ghost to not see the missile locked onto him.


0/1 was how The Ghost’s night started.


The Ghost of Manhattan suited up, strapped in, and set the skies. 


And actually, he didn’t even suit up because he actually let the zipper of his very cool and not lame bomber jacket down to let the puppies breathe a bit. And by puppies, I mean his tits. No offense.


The Ghost had a shaky start to the second take-off, as there was almost a crash before the plane even took off. 


However, in miraculous fashion, The Ghost locked onto his first of Putin's men at the same time they did. The two were locked on, and The Ghost began his shafting and flaring. 


Launch authorization was a go.


A Fox 3 tracked one of Putin’s little slimes, but unfortunately that wasn’t enough.


Hydraulics failure. 


0/2. 


What change was made for the third attempt? Bomber Jacket? Off.


Going into his third attempt, the F-15 was riding topless, as if it were in The Pit of the Daytona 500. Never personally been to the Daytona 500, but I feel like the stories I hear all mention seeing a middle-aged woman’s breasts. 


“To kill a dictator, you have to think like a dictator,” said The Ghost of Manhattan through a smirk. 


The Ghost of Manhattan then, while saving the country from Putin and his Russian fighter jets, also made a great point that former 2022 NBA Playoff Member, Kyrie Irving, wouldn’t have liked. This is due to Mr. Irving’s beliefs that the Earth is flat.


While making points that were anti-flat earth, the unfortunate happened.


Hydraulics failure.


0/4.


“I can’t believe OJ killed me. Well, actually yes, I can,” said The Ghost, as he set flight for the fifth flight.


The top made it down this time, so the fifth flight already had more promise than the ones prior.


Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to relate to a funny joke The Ghost made as he lifted off, as it was, and I quote, “Just fighter pilot stuff.” As a non-fighter pilot myself, I just had to exclude myself from the situation. It was tough, but it was fair.


The Ghost begged to be told if he was in range to fire off a missile, but told he was not.


This mission, time and time again, resulted in the words no ghost of Manhattan would ever like to hear: “Hydraulics failure.”


0.5/5 (killed OJ, so The Ghost gets 0.5 points).


That said, at least The Ghost killed OJ. Progress was made, though the mission remained incomplete.


Putin was still alive, and the fans of hockey can't watch him play at 0.25x speed on television anymore. That was tough for everyone, and we simply just don’t need it. The Ghost needs to rid this man of our hockey-viewing pleasure.


The sixth takeoff was smooth. Evasive maneuvers were being executed, shaft flares were being shot (?), but out of absolute nowhere … "Hydraulics Failure."


0.5/6.


Another sabotage by the short, Russian man. No, I didn’t put clarification because The Ghost of Manhattan also happens to be not freakishly tall. He's average height from what I've seen.


The new theory: The Ghost of Manhattan had a mole.


There were no missiles that hit the F-15, yet the plane still blew up. Hmm, weird, right?


After a vicious climb and the sounds of many buttons being mashed, The Ghost locked on to one of the targets. 


“I think I just have to fly better,” said The Ghost.


Shooting shaft and flares like they were hot cakes (not sure if that plays tbh), The Ghost was in one of the longest flights of the night. Things were looking decent for The Ghost and his mission against Russia. 


With Wentz-like accuracy outside of October, the first missile from Russia missed The Ghost. And as if he were Carson Wentz in 73-degree weather, The Ghost's missile HIT! 


But, after an incredible fight with missiles back and forth, The Ghost found himself coming up just short, even after turning D.K. Metcalf into a scrambled egg.


Hydraulics failure.


1.5/7 (killed everyone but Putin, that’s worth a point).


“Go back to putting the Ukraine flag in your bio, I’m actually doing something about it,” said a flustered Ghost of Manhattan.


The chat was seemingly getting to The Ghost a little, and a moment of passion crept out the lips of The Ghost, flustered after seven failures. 


Killing all four of Putin’s men– D.K. Metcalf, Evgeni Malkin, Sergei Bobrovsky, and O.J. Simpson– Putin still flew his flight missile-free.


The Ghost started his next flight a bit rushed. And after a rushed start, the plane blew up.


Hydraulics Failure. 


1.5/8.


Sabotage again? Potentially.


The Ghost flew to the chat to find out what the matter was. @vitaminc81 brought up the possibility that, and I quote, “Putin munched your box.” 


Not sure if that’d cause for an engine failure, but who’s to say?


This takeoff went much better. Everything was going well, and the case of the blowing up plane seemed to no longer be an issue for The Ghost of Manhattan. 


A nice tidbit that The Ghost dropped on all of us casuals is that, beyond popular belief, flying a plane with the wheels down does NOT help unless landing. Good to know!


However, at the time of learning that tidbit, the result remained the same: Hydraulics Failure. 


Even with O.J. dead again, Putin remained alive, well, and still super short. 


Once again, The Ghost looked to the chat for guidance. Not much besides a possible poopy stinks spotting resulted. 


The wheels were up, and the plane was in the sky.


Something rarely brought up during The Ghost's fighting was how great the scenery was. The greenery and forgery of this area was beautiful, and it’s a shame that this land could be potentially impacted by the planes of D.K. Metcalf, Evgeni Malkin, O.J. Simpson, Sergei Bobrovsky, and the man himself, The Ghost of Manhattan.


“I think it might’ve missed,” The Ghost of Manhattan exclaimed. “It didn’t miss,” The Ghost followed up with, merely half a second later.


Hydraulics Failure.


1.5/9.


Things weren’t looking great for The Ghost of Manhattan, plain and simple.


“Alright, talk to me, goose,” said The Ghost of Manhattan to his chat, with a hint of desperation in his voice.


In a brainstorming mission before the tenth flight, The Ghost of Manhattan realized maybe he could dump off a few missiles from his plane to become lighter and more agile.

“Rally ZYN,” The Ghost of Manhattan said as he reached for a pouch, or two. 


It was time that The Ghost got rid of Putin. This town aint big enough for the two of them, and The Ghost of Manhattan was ready to prove it. 


In a plane that is “loaded to the teeth,” The Ghost was being cautious not to overwork the plane. The Ghost was letting off missiles left and right.


After ducking two missiles, the third missile turned The Ghost of Manhattan into the ghost of The Ghost of Manhattan. Tough look, really. That run was looking good. With three kills, The Ghost was lowkey/highkey killing it.


Even with The Ghost lowkey/highkey going off, his fate was a common one: Hydraulics Failure. 


2.5/10 after getting three kills.


New Strategy: Get out over the water.


The thought behind this strategy was that radars wouldn’t be able to track as well if over water, as opposed to being over land. 


Okay, actually, chat said water made it easier.


New, New Strategy: Use the mountains to distract the Russians.


“If it’s easy for me to see them, it’s probably easy for them to see me,” said The Ghost with confidence. 


As The Ghost navigated through the dips of mountains, he begged to get AWAX communication. AWAX was kind of like the offensive coordinator of the mission. 


What a successful run so far. 


Forgoing the pawns of Putin, The Ghost looked to find Putin himself. 


… Uhhhhh oh…


The Ghost found himself far, far away from Putin after his re-route. 


“This might’ve been a bad strategy,” The Ghost muttered into his headset. “Where are they? Where are th–...”


Hydraulics Failure. 

2.5/11.


Though Russia was putting on quite the performance, The Ghost stayed consistent in his fight against them.


With a takeoff as textbook as textbook comes, The Ghost hit the skies for yet another go at downing Putin and his gang of Russian/American athletes.


Sending a Fox 3 missile like a Josh Allen pass from the cannon that is his arm, it’s a hit. And like the very quotable DJ Khaled has said many times, “Anotha one.” 


“Give me this kill!” x15. 


Miss.


Don’t matter. Send another. 


“Where’s that bitch? Feed me that … thirsty bitch,” said The Ghost after defeating the gang of Putin’s men. 


The Ghost trailed Putin, like D.K. Metcalf trailed Budda Baker after that one viral interception.


“I’m going to come right up his butthole!” (I remember hearing this and making sure to quote it)


And The Ghost of Manhattan takes down Putin! That one’s for you, Ukraine. Down goes Putin, after The Ghost of Manhattan hit him with a swift one-two. 


The chat erupted into a "USA!" chant. 


"USA! USA! USA!"


Now came a potentially even tougher mission than killing *virtual* Vladimir Putin and his army of fighter planes: Landing the plane. 


Though The Ghost put up quite a fight in the dogfight against Russia, it was all for naught if his landing were to be a failure. 


In an effort to lighten the load of his plane, The Ghost shot multiple missiles into the vicinity of a few villages. Nothing was reported, and The Ghost was on record for not thinking there was a village in its trajectory. So, that’s actually pretty good. It was sparsely populated, so if anything came from it, some mountain people would have a cool story to tell at home school. 


One of the most remarkable acts of heroism The Ghost performed was flying in front of the University of Iowa’s Children Hospital twice, somehow also in/near Russia, while tipping a wing to the kids fighting for their life. 


“How many podcasters have killed Putin?” asked the ego-high Ghost of Manhattan.


The Ghost of Manhattan brings up a great point, though. While The Ghost’s civilian character– also known as PFT Commenter– is a podcaster by day, his heroic actions performed the night of May 4, 2022, were that of a true super hero. 


The Ghost of Manhattan basically landed fine– even though he didn’t actually– but at the end of the day, who else is dead? Putin.


What a hero, what a fight, and, as Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons sang in 1963, "Ooh-- what a night!"


Thank you to The Ghost of Manhattan. Those that fear Putin can now go to sleep at night knowing their skies aren’t being scoured by a short, little, puny Russian monster. 


Barstool Sports Are The Only Graders of Jaguars Draft To Give Out A+ Grade

Barstool Sports are lone media company to give Jacksonville Jaguars A+ Draft Grade


One of the more fun and irrelevant parts of the NFL draft process is post-draft grades.

Before a player plays a single snap, or even learns the team's playbook, NFL analysts make their grade for each team on how they performed in the draft.

Each year, it seems like random grades are given to teams who didn't absolutely murder the draft, whether for good or for bad.

And that doesn't stop here.

Barstool Sports: The lone media company to grade the Jacksonville Jaguars' draft an A+

The Jacksonville Jaguars went to social media to share their report card of grades from different sports-media companies.



Barstool Sports, well-known NFL analysts, was the only outlet to grade the Jaguars' draft an A+, while the rest of the grades all sat in the B-range. 

Now, I can't tell if the Jags are being self-aware on this, as the Pardon My Take crew essentially just gave out random As and Fs in their post-draft grading, while also sprinkling in a few average grades, too. 

In the Jags' draft, they passed on Aidan Hutchinson and went with Travon Walker, who could very well be a bust. He may not be, but there's bust potential there. Aidan Hutchinson is one of those players that has a higher floor than most have ceilings.

2022 Jacksonville Jaguars draft class

  • 1.01: Travon Walker, EDGE, Georiga
  • 1.27: Devin Lloyd, LB, Utah
  • 3.65: Luke Fortner, OL, Kentucky
  • 3.70: Chad Muma, LB, Wyoming
  • 5.154: Snoop Conner, RB, Ole Miss
  • 6.197: Gregory Junior, CB, Ouachita Baptist
  • 7.222: Montaric Brown, CB, Arkansas

The Jacksonville Jaguars can rest easily knowing that the PMT gang thought their draft was flawless, giving them an A+ in their post-draft grades. 

Will the Jags be in contention for the No. 1 pick again next year? Not based off this very serious and not random A+ draft grade.

Does Will Compton's NFL Career Lie In The Hands Of Steven Cheah?

NFL coaches watching Steven Cheah run faster than Will Compton, allegedly. Will Compton: Nine-time NFL-roster spot-holder. Steven Cheah: Ben...